EDITOR’S BRIEFING
What you will be able to do after reading
- Choose five or six questions instead of rushing through all 21.
- Listen for the words customers actually use before buying.
- Clarify poor-fit referrals as carefully as ideal ones.
- End with one realistic commitment from each person.
THE FOUNDATION
The best one-to-one questions create referral clarity
Ask questions that help you recognize when another member may be useful to someone you know. Start with: Who is your ideal customer? What situation usually causes that person to need you? What words might they use when describing the problem?
Then ask: What is often misunderstood about your work? Which services are the best fit? Which opportunities are not a fit? What should I say when introducing you?
BUILD THE SYSTEM
Learn the story behind the business
Ask why the member entered the field, what they are proud of, what a successful engagement looks like, and what standards guide their work. These answers help you speak about the person with accuracy instead of repeating a generic title.
Do not treat the conversation as an interrogation. Choose a few relevant questions, listen closely, and leave room for a natural exchange.
Good networking systems do not replace human attention. They protect the details that let attention become reliable action.
BUILD THE SYSTEM
Find immediate ways to be useful
Ask which introductions, resources, events, or market information would help right now. Ask what goal they are working toward this quarter and whether there is a small next step you can support.
End by repeating the commitments each person made. Put them into a follow-up system before the rest of the week takes over.
BUILD THE SYSTEM
The complete 21-question bank
Referral clarity: Who is your ideal customer? What event or frustration usually creates a need? What exact words might someone use? Which service should members remember first? What is commonly misunderstood? What is not a good fit?
Credibility and process: Why did you enter this field? What result are you proud of? What happens after an introduction? How quickly do you respond? What should a member say when introducing you? What information is helpful before the first conversation?
Relationship and opportunity: What goal matters this quarter? Which profession complements your work? Which geographic areas or industries matter most? What educational resource can I share? Which event would be useful? Who would you value meeting? What can I listen for this week? What promise are we each making? When should we reconnect?
PUT IT INTO PRACTICE
A sample one-to-one agenda
Minutes 0–5: reconnect and agree on the purpose. Minutes 5–15: one member explains their ideal customer, referral signals, process, and poor-fit situations. Minutes 15–25: switch roles. Minutes 25–35: identify possible introductions, resources, or joint learning. Final minutes: repeat commitments and choose the next check-in.
Adjust the timing to the meeting length. The point is balance: both members should leave better able to recognize and describe opportunities for the other.
READER QUESTIONS
Frequently asked questions
How long should a BNI one-to-one meeting last?+
Use the time both members agree to and follow any chapter guidance. A focused conversation with a clear purpose is more valuable than an unnecessarily long meeting.
Should I use all 21 questions in one meeting?+
No. Select the questions most relevant to the relationship and let the conversation develop naturally.
What is the best final question?+
Ask what one introduction, resource, or action would be most useful right now, then agree on a realistic next step.
CONTINUE THE SERIES